When pain turns outward, it turns into anger. Most often, there is a sense that the world isn’t fair and the person who is struggling has been deeply wronged.
Underneath the anger is pain, which has turned into the burden of a viewpoint that life is against them.
That can easily turn into fights and disrespect, driving other people away.
The problem isn’t what you might think.
Anger is pain turned outward. Life often involves some amount of struggle. An angry person has concluded that other people are the reason.
Most of the time, it isn’t really about the other people, though.
So, here’s the problem – a person lashes out, which causes other people to lash back or pull away. Those negative reactions can easily support the idea that other people are the problem.
Equally difficult is that anger drives a perception that things outside of the person are the problem. That excludes looking at how anger itself is playing a role in creating conflict.
The solution isn’t what you might think, either.
Going straight at anger often doesn’t work, because it plays into the thinking that is driving that anger. There are several indirect routes to help resolve the problem, but they take a delicate touch and a lot of experience.
Underneath anger often IS a strong sense of right and wrong. Reclaiming that sense of justice from the anger that is twisting it is part of the journey. So is supporting the person when the pain that anger was hiding comes to the surface afterward.
Working through anger, whether in yourself or a child, is hard. Let me help you through it. Call me.
